2 months later and I've yo-yo'd from 225 to 216 to 230. And I have to ask myself why?
The answer to that question is simple enough: I have allowed myself to fall off the wagon and to revert back to old habits. The most devastating part about it is that had I stayed on track, I stood to be 199 lbs by today and finally in the Onedarlands ( no longer 200 or above). But I allowed myself to fall prey to junk food, laziness, and binging. There was no plateau, I simply stopped caring enough to want to keep moving. A lot has happened in the last 2 months that has perhaps led me to where I am now, but the beauty in failure is allowing yourself to rise up again to success.
After over 2 years of exercising and trying to eat healthy I realize that one of the reasons that I have been so unsuccessful is that I push myself too hard for a month or so and then I let my self fall into lethargy for 3 months, then I start the cycle all over again. I am now 230 lbs with an ultimate goal of 160, and I realize now that to achieve my goals I simply have to "Think of myself as becoming the person I want to be".
Today I start a new journey and it begins with accountability, discipline and a genuine desireto get fit because I love myself and I simply cannot afford to hurt myself. The weight loss must center on my need to change myself for the better long term, and not on the superficiality of being seen as "attractive" or being called beautiful in the bars and in the clubs.
Today I start a new journey where I focus on listening to the psychosis of my mind and trying to understand why I binge, why I eat junk food, and why some days I refuse to go running even though I know it is what I should be doing and I mean to do it. Today I start changing myself internally to achieve success externally.
A list of things I have learned about myself in the past 2 months:
I don't even like fast food any more (taste-wise) I just eat it to revel in the feeling of being full.
I sometimes eat when I am bored, and even when I am full I still eat and I don't know why
I know I should exercise but I am sometimes too tired to go.
Once I get out the door to run I usually have a successful run and I don't regret it
On the days that I do eat clean and I am full, I tend not to crave fatty/ sugary foods
Being consistent with healthy eating at night can be a challenge after coming home from work.
This is just a minute list, but I vow that from today I will tackle each problem individually and work on it. My first mini goal is to go 2 weeks without any fast foods that is 14 days starting today. I will keep you all updated and hold my self accountable.
My second mini goal is to be under 200 lbs by September 1st! Thats a 10 lbs weight loss per month...I will keep you all updated.
My Third mini goal is to run/exercise at 3 times a week for the month of June.
Some Motivational Images:
Progress for Progress Sake, is Progress Indeed!!
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