HELLO BOSTON!!!!!

Good Morning and Happy Sunday.

I am officially settled into my new place in Boston, and I am excited!!!! The last day has been a bit hectic with moving (flying from Texas to Boston), and then moving in ALL BY MYSELF to my new place. I haven't had anytime to work out during the past 2 days and I've been too busy to eat a normal meal.

I LOVE BOSTON THUS FAR. The city seems to be a VERY health conscious city...strange enough since I've been here...I've only seen 1 fast food place (McDonald's), and it was FAR...that's something new, usually every city I've been in is plastered and infected with fast food chains (Burger King, chik-fil-a, McDonalds, Rally's, KFC, etc).  I think thats a VERY good thing for me.

Yesterday after moving in I immediately went shopping for room accessories as well as for food. I KEPT IT healthy, buying fruits and vegetables (for my detox smoothie), almonds, chicken breasts, almond milk, egg substitute, and treated my self to mini cookies mix (3 cookies=150 calories) to curb my sweet tooth.  I am determined to TRY  to ACTIVELY EAT HEALTHY, and to eat UNHEALTHILY scarcely and in moderation. Last Night I went and celebrated a friends birthday with him, and it was my official night on the town in Boston. It included LOTS of debauchery, and I TASTED MY FIRST EAST COAST LARGE PIZZA...IT WAS DELICIOUS.

This morning I woke up and weighed in at 233.6, with a total lose of but 8lbs since Monday (I was 241). I was extremely surprised that I had still managed to lose weight since I hadn't worked out, and I hadn't been eaten regularly..but WHO I AM TO TEMPT THE FATES haha. This morning I got myself back in order with a detox smoothie consisting of unsweetened almond milk, grapes, spinach, carrots, a banana, pineapples and strawberries. (1 serving-about 175 calories). And I am determined to pave a new running path.

Since it's my first 2 days in Boston, I don't know how to get anywhere yet, nor do I know how to get to the park for a run, but I am going to try to find a running path either tonight or tomorrow.

I am enjoying myself in Boston, but I am glad that I am still cognizant of my fitness goals and able to make sure I am still keeping on track. I hope and think that Boston will be good for me!

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

OH JILLIAN!

THURSDAY NIGHT CHECK IN

GOOD EVENING!
Its Thursday night and I just got back from a 6 mile run and burnt 1251 calories (per my hrm). I always add the "per my hrm" disclaimer because it is not 100 percent accurate, therefore I never eat more because I burn more; I always TRY to stick to my caloric goal intake or eat no more than 200-300 more of my goal if I'm REALLY hungry on those heavy work out days. Today I woke up 2 lbs lighter, now weighing in at 235.4 (I was 241.4 on Monday), so I've lost 6lbs of those sodium infused pounds from a month and a half ago.

Today was an excellent day, I ate about 1400 calories and chugged about 12 glasses of water (Thirsty much?). My vacation in Texas has been wonderful, and I am so glad that I stuck to my goal of exercising.
I have now exercised 4 days out of the 6 days I've been here, and I've burnt 4,733 calories from exercise this week, surpassing my weekly goal of 3880 calories burnt.

I am pushing strong and taking it 5lbs at a time in the hopes that this time I stick with it and have fewer and less major setbacks. (An 18lb gain in a month and a half is UNACCEPTABLE). 

I hope everybody is having a great night and is looking forward to the weekend!

ciao

SIMPSON HUMOR-LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

FOR WHEN YOU CAN'T FIND A GYM

WEDNESDAY NIGHT CHECK IN!

TODAY WAS A SUCCESS
JUST GOT BACK FROM A 6 MILE WOG (JOGGING AND WALKING), and per my hrm I burned about 1122 calories. 

Today I ate about 1309 calories and this is what my food diary looked like:

Breakfast
6 oz tilapia-192 calories 40g protein
1.5 piece of Homemade skilled cornbread-173 calories
Totals for Breakfast: 365 calories, 28g Carbs, 8g fat, 40g Protein
Lunch
Spinach and veggie smoothie-158 calories
Chicken, Spinach, strawberry and tomato salad-231 calories
Totals: 389 calories, 44g Carbs, 3g Fat, 52 g Protein

Pre-workout Snack
Boost Protein Shake- 240 calories, 15 g protein, 33g carbs, 6g fat

Dinner
Detox Smoothie(all fruits and veggies)-315 calories, 72g Carbs, 
3 gfat, 6g protein

Total: approx: 1309 calories, 177g Carbs, 20g fat, 117g protein, 25g Fiber.

I just had a 12 oz serving of a detox smoothie consisting of spinach ,carrots ,pineapple,mango, banana, and grapes, with 5 cups of water for dinner. I feel content and pleasant and I feel "healthy"

So far while on vacation visiting my mom I have worked out 3 times, I plan to try to get in one more day before I leave Friday night. Today I weighed in at 237.4..by Friday I'd like to weigh in at about 235 or under...since I'm already so far behind on my goal weight do to that massive month long binge (going out, restaurants, drinking...story of my life).

Hope everybody's day was successful!

Good Night. 

AVERAGE DINNER PLATE SIZES

"What the Water Gave Me" Frida Kahlo

"Under Syrian Skies" -Suhair Sibai

"ITS ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE THE DAWN"

When I first started this blog I promised that I would be raw and honest with my struggle with weight loss.
This is not a blog where i sugar coat anything. This is a blog of honesty, triumphs, defeats, failures, successes, self-loathing, self-love, despair and ecstasy. And because I try to be a woman of my word I won't falter now, even in the face of my shame and despair.

The past month has been a month and a half of debauchery, binging, drinking, excess and gluttony. I have gained 18lbs in that month and once again I have nobody to blame but MYSELF. I am still fighting with food and self-control, I am still fighting with discipline and staying on track. But I am fighting to get back on track and have lost 4lbs of the gained weight. I weighed myself this morning at 237.4. On Monday I was 241. I am upset with myself, I don't want to look at myself in the mirror, I want to throw my scale out the window. I want to break my jaw and wire it shut.  I loathe my weakness and I hate that I am a slave to my own excess.
I thought about how close I was to being under 200 and how I let it all go to waste for minutes of binging.

As I was going through this dark mental period, I started listening to "Shake it Out" by Florence + The Machine where she talks about seeing the light, and how its harder to dance with the devil on your back so shake it out. She says its ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE THE DAWN.
I have been a fool and I've been blind, I can never leave the past behind, but now I feel like I am getting clearer to seeing the way.

I decided that my negative thoughts would only lead me to more binging and lethargy. I realize that I am beautiful because I accept my imperfections, my demons and instead of repressing them I am fighting to understand them, know them, accept them and in doing so conquer them. I have still lost 100 lbs and that HAS TO COUNT FOR SOMETHING.

Everyday I WILL STRUGGLE, I am ready to accept that. Things will get easier and my struggles will have less drag to them, but I will struggle with food and exercise and self-control, and I ACCEPT THAT CHALLENGE.

I am human but I am strengthened by my imperfections. I am strengthened by the need to carve myself into the strong force that I know I am.

In an episode of despair and defeat, it is often so easy to forget about how far one has come and wallow in the wretched stench of failure. I HAVE NOT FAILED, because I have gotten up each time I have fallen. And if I fall 3 months from now, I will rise again with a bigger passion.

My weight loss battle is my Goliath, It is a giant, but I will be David, and I will slay this giant simply with the conviction that I CAN.

For anybody facing tribulations or obstacles in your life (be them weight related or not), face your demons, stay the path, fight...even when you fall, raise yourself up again and fight...little battles are lost, but a good general never festers away in a small defeat, instead them shake  themselves out and use the knowledge garnered from their mistakes to arm themselves with the ammunition needed to win the war!

HAPPY WEDNESDAY!

SWEAT!!!!- TUESDAY CHECK IN

Good Morning and Happy Tuesday!!!
       

The Pictures above are of me in the gym in my mother's house in Texas Today. It was raining in Dallas so instead of going out for a run, I went to the gym in her neighborhood. I did 45 minutes on the treadmill, 15 minutes on the bicycle and 30 min on the elliptical. It was A WONDERFUL workout. Although I don't run on the treadmill a lot, I enjoy running on there when I can because it forces me to run without stopping much longer. Today I ran 2 miles at 5.2 and 3.0 incline without stopping before switching to a 9.0 incline oscillating between 3.3-3.8.

Yesterday I also went for a run, it was outside and Texas and it was REFRESHING!!! I really enjoyed running in new scenery and enjoying the Texas Breeze. Since yesterday I've already lost 3lbs (Thank goodness I'm back on Schedule :). 

I am so proud of my self for completing my mini goal of working out at lease 2x in Texas. I am going to try to run one more time and then go from there. 

My biggest challenge still continues to be EATING!!. This is the first time I'm out of my comfort zone that I'm actually keeping on track. 

I had a quasi-detox smoothie for breakfast this morning (about 30 oz)

Lunch will be: Spinach and Chicken Salad and a sweet potato

Dinner will be a quasi-detox smoothie

Snacks are almonds and a Boost protein shake

I hope I stick it through today!!

Hope Everyone is having a lovely and Productive Day!!!

TEXAS!!!

Whew!!
The past days have been excruciatingly busy for me. I've been swamped with work, packing and moving, and saying goodbye to dear friends. I think I've eating enough to feed an entire country in the past week. 

Last night I went out with my friends for a final hoorah in Saint Louis(pictured above), my night was a mingle of lots of wine and spirits, and taco bell ( don't ask...I don't even like taco bell).  It was a great night, and I'm just now feeling faint pangs of nostalgia for Saint Louis
The big move from Saint Louis to Boston has been a very stressful one, and I haven't had any time at all to exercise( or rather should I say I haven't MADE the time to exercise).

I refuse to weigh myself for another 3-4 days because I know what I see on the scale might send me into some dark places.

I arrived in Arlington/Dallas Texas this morning and I'll be spending a week with my madre. My mother is a healthy eater so I know I won't be in trouble. My mother also has diabetes, so today I made her one of my quasi-detox smoothies. I put lots of spinach, a whole mango (skin included), grapes, almond milk, and ice in a blender and BLENDED. I thought it was DELICIOUS, for my mother it was a bit of an acquired taste, but I"m enjoying cooking for her and teaching her about healthier options with food. 

This week in Texas I will try to exercise at least 3 times, in any capacity, be it walking, running, whatever. My mother and I plan on going for a 5 mile wog sometime this week so I am most definitely looking forward to that. 

I realize that I actually MISS my smoothies, and I just got done having a glass. Although the past week I ate out a lot, I realize that I am more conscious of food and I actually MISS eating clean ( WHO WOULD'VE THUNK IT :). 

I'll try to stay updated with my blog, although I know I'll be quite busy. I'll be flying to Boston from Texas Saturday morning and that will be a bit of an adjustment for me, but I WELCOME the challenge of an intensive graduate program, in a new city, with health conscious like-minded individuals.

NAMASTE!

STORY OF MY LIFE..

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE

SLIM DOWN/BULK UP!!!

QUINOA CHICKEN AND VEGETABLE STIR FRY

For my lunch today, I experimented with vegetables, chicken and quinoa, the serving listed above is for 2, so I only packed half of this. The key here is to use no more than 7oz of your favorite meat, and to pack as many vegetables as you can fit in the dish. My serving today was about 350 calories.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup dry organic quinoa

2 cups leafy spinach

1 orange bell pepper

2 roma tomatoes

2 cups romaine lettuce ( you can use the salad pack)

Pam olive oil spray

Spices ( cajun spices, a dash of lemon juice, seasoned salt, etc etc)

6 oz left over chicken tenderloins

Directions

1. Boil your quinoa in water untill done

2. chop up all your vegetables and together on a plate

3. Grease a skillet with pam olive oil spray and put vegetable in pan on medium heat, Add your seasonings of choice to add flavor to vegetables.

4. Add the left over chicken to the vegetable mix

5. Stir the mixture above until well sauteed, add pam olive oil spray as needed.

6. Add quinoa to the top of vegetable spray and put 1tbsp of mike lawry's Hawaiin marinade on quinoa.

7. Mix together ensuring that quinoa and vegetables and chickens are well sauteed.

8. ENJOY!!!!

Nutrition Facts Per Serving (makes 2): About 350 calories, 45g Carbs, 25grams of Protein, 5 grams of Fat, 9 g. Fiber.

6 LBS LOST-QUASI-DETOX UPDATE

So today is day 3 of my quasi detox and I've lost 6lbs of water weight (I think). Since I gained 15 lbs unnecessarily, that leaves me at 9lbs to work off and officially "back on track". I realized that the detox isn't necessarily "hard", my body feels fine, I'm not crushingly hungry. THE PROBLEM IS MY MIND!!!

My mind feels that I should be eating, snacking, or chewing on something and since my only "chew meal" is lunch...I think that's going to take some adjustment. The results on THE SCALE are motivational enough that I want to keep cleansing my body. I'm steal eating the same calories I was before (sometimes about 200 more), but its all super healthy stuff and micro-nutrients. Since I started this detox I realize that I"m able to sleep longer without interruptions, my body is cleansing itself  (lots of number 1's and number 2's) and I FEEL BETTER. 

I can only hope that this progress continues!!!!

DAY 2. QUASI DETOX!

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!

Last night was  HARD, and was the first night of my detox program. I caved in at dinner and added chicken to my vegetable medley and had a brownie as well.

Today is going okay so far...then again its only 11:38 am, so we'll see how the rest of the day goes.
This morning I woke up and went for a well-deserved run, haven't gone running in 2 weeks (crazy right?). I also rode my bike to work. This is what my hrm said after my run:

After my run, I took a well deserved shower and made my morning fruit and vegetable smoothie. I went to the store yesterday and bought some fresh kale, carrots, and cucumbers. And I threw a medley of fruits and vegetables together to make my morning smoothie. 

Pictured above I have:
1. A stalk of kale
2. A cup of fresh spinach leaves
3. A serving of baby carrots
4. 7 slices of cucumber
5. About a cup of grapes
6. 1 green apple
7. A banana
8. 1/2 cup of strawberry greek yogurt
9. 1 cup of silk pure almond milk.
I blended them all together and added crushed ice to the mix as well as saw raw lemon juice to stabilize the bitterness of the kale. 

All together I had about 45 oz of the mixture and about a 411 calorie high protein, high fiber, high potassium, high micro-nutrient breakfast.

After drinking my mixture its almost like I can feel my body adjusting and de-toxifying (it might be just my mind playing tricks on me :)). I feel good, energized and HEALTHY. Psychologically, I feel IN CONTROL. 
From yesterday to today I've lost 2 lbs. Which is probably just water weight being lost, and I feel that I'm on the path to being back in control of my weight and getting rid of this weight once and for all.

I am also on the path to a healthy cardiovascular system, healthy body, and a healthy mind. I truly believe that when you EAT BETTER, you FEEL BETTER...Although I know that it will take me a while to get adjusted to this detox-system, I hope that I will stick with it. 

My Lunch today is a salad infused with chicken tenderloins, cucumbers, tomatoes, and spinach and lettuce and lemon juice and italian cheese. I also added a sweet potato to the salad mixture.

Dinner will be another vegetable and fruit smoothie.


HAPPY HUMPDAY!

MY NEW QUASI-DETOX CLEAN EATING PROGRAM

Since coming back from my 9 day vacation in Chicago, I have for about another 9 days gorged myself on unhealthy foods. I'm leaving Saint Louis in about 10 days to start my masters program in Boston and I've had many friends taking me out to eat and celebrate my departure. Unfortunately these dinners have led to what "APPEARS" to be a 15 lb gain( YIKES!!!). I say "APPEARS" because I'm sure about half of that is from bloating and water retention from the sky high levels of sodium I've been inhaling. 

I think in my happiness for the next step of my life, I have let my excitement overshadow my fitness goals. 
I am unhappy with myself, but I WILL NOT GIVE UP. This is  LIFE-LONG JOURNEY, not a GET SKINNY QUICK SCAM. I would be fooling myself if I didn't think there would be many set back in this journey.

Yesterday I watched the documentary "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead", and it put a new perspective on healthy and clean eating in my head. For this long journey, I think while I have been focused on health, I have been mainly focused on getting skinny and losing weight. While its very important for me to lose weight, I think it is is also very important for me to re-engineer my cells to fight off infection, and keep me healthy for the long run. 
I want to start a new system that detoxes my body and rewires my brain to look at food differently.

To help me with what a call my "quas-detox clean eating program" (say that fast 5 times :p), I've enlisted the help of this website: thecleanprogram.com. Which is a website that sets you up with a detox program to properly re-wire your body. I will be following about 75% of the program, because I will be eating some of the fruits on the "excluded fruits" list per the website (grapes, bananas, strawberries).

I want to cleanse my body, I want to rewire my cravings for food, and I want to LOSE WEIGHT. I want to feel good on the inside and the outside, and I truly believe that what you eat has a HUMONGOUS effect on HOW you FEEL. 

OKAY SO HERE'S MY PLAN:

I'm going to START it for 7 DAYS and see how I feel, AND THEN CONTINUE FOR ANOTHER 7 DAYS AND SO ON AND SO ON. I've learned that shorter goals tend to work for me, than LONGER goals.

Breakfast: Natural Blended smoothie: Today I had kale, strawberries, bananas, grapes, carrots, and almond milk, ice all blended up.

Lunch: Sensible lunch from the allotted list of included foods from the cleanprogram.com list. (quinoa, brown rice, spinach, salmon, chicken, etc). My lunch today is Green Lettuce, Spinach, Tomato, 8 oz chicken tenderloin, pure lemon juice, and light italian cheese (all in a salad)

ONE NATURAL SNACK: Today mine is a sweet potato

Dinner: NATURAL BLENDED SMOOTHIE (Same as what I had for breakfast but with more leafy vegetables this time).

for 7 days, I will have 2 micro-nutrient filled smoothies( size doesn't really matter here, my breakfast was 30oz, and about 300 calories). and a SENSIBLE LUNCH (not more than 500 calories, jampacked with fiber, protein, and unrefined carbohydrates)..

I WILL DO NIGHTLY UPDATES ON HOW I FEEL...SUFFICE IT TO SAY THAT RIGHT NOW I AM VERY HUNGRY AND A BIT GRUMPY..BUT I WAS TOLD IT WAS IMPORTANT TO STICK TO IT AT LEAST 7-10 DAYS, SO THE BODY ADJUSTS TO THE CHANGE AND THE BRAIN REWIRES ITS CRAVINGS....

ART- Suhair Sibai: "No Fear"

KATE UPTON-BEAUTY IN FIT AND HEALTHY..NOT "THIN" (PER SOCIETY'S DEFINITION)

YOUR BEST BUTT!!!

WHERE I WANT TO BE HEALTH-WISE FOR 2013

Good Evening and Happy Sunday

Tonight is a night of reflection and planning. I think sometimes we as humans can get lost in our own frustrations and forget all about the successes we have achieved. Today is a day that I will praise myself, plan out my goals for the 5-6 months, and mold myself into who I want to be. The first step is to list all of the accomplishments that I have achieved thus far. 

POSITIVES

In 2 years I:

1. Lost over 100 lbs.

2. Beat type 2 diabetes and pushed it into remission.

3. Maintained a healthy blood sugar level

4. Been able to run and walk around without being sweaty and winded

5. Been able to walk into almost any store and buy what ever clothes that I wanted

6. Able to love shopping and look forward to wearing new clothes

7. Maintained the difficult and tumultuous relationship between binging on any and all types of food, and understanding the how foods affect my body.

8. Been a motivator and a system of support for all those trying to achieve fitness and wellness.

NEEDS WORK:

1. Although I've lost weight, I struggle daily with food intake and motivation.

2. Going on vacations and not over eating

3. Coming back from vacations and getting back to eating clean and exercising

4. Learning when to say no to food

5. Pushing myself daily and maintaining a strict but achievable fitness regime.

6. LOSING THESE LAST 50-60LBS ...I HAVE SPENT A YEAR YO-YOING AND OSCILLATING BETWEEN 225-235 LBS.

WHERE I WANT TO BE JANUARY 1, 2013

1. I'd like to be under 173 lbs

2. I'd like to have a healthy BMI

3. I'd like to have been able to conquer my addiction and noxious relationship with food ( the endless cycle of binging, exercising, losing, binging, gaining, giving up, hating myself, starting again and the cycle continues).

4. I'd like to stop having this enmity with food. I'd like to be able to appreciate and enjoy food as a necessary for fueling my body and molding it to its highest potential.

5. Achieve a new level of fitness and maybe do the half-marathon race in Boston

6. Being fit and strong in all levels of my fitness

These are the goals I have for myself, I am resetting myself and want again doing some much needed self-introspection. I think that in the month of August I will try to lose 10 lbs each month. That will be my goal...8-10lbs each month puts me at a 45-50 lb weight by January 2013. 

THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT

The Grass is greener where you water it.

So instead of staring at bodies of celebrities, neighbors, family members and wishing that yours was like theirs, how about you invest in cultivating your OWN Spirit?


Water your body and it will flourish, Water your own *grass*, and it will bloom and metamorphosize into the greenest green. Fertilize your body with good clean food, water, and necessary nutrients and vitamins. Mold and shape your garden by incorporating exercise to your body.


Your body is YOUR OWN. What you put INTO IT is what you'll get OUT OF IT. Mold and Shape your body into what YOU WANT IT TO BE. Train your body to reflect the beauty that is contained inside of you...STRUGGLING TO RADIATE THROUGH..Let your true potential shine through by using these simple tools:
 Exercise, Good Food, Resolve, and Determination!!!

THURSDAY AM CHECK IN!

GOOD MORNING ALL!


After my 2 week long vacation...I feel like I am finally getting back into the swing of things, with the transition to eating much cleaning than I have been the past 2 weeks. I will not weigh myself untill next week because I don't want to succumb to unnecesarry self-loathing. Sometimes I feel I am my own worst enemy and best champion. 


Today I will be going for a 6 mile jog, I feel like I haven't run in ages.!!!!


I plan on getting more intense with my workouts, and I'm getting excited about the big move to BAAHHHSSSTOOOON (*BOSTONIAN ACCENT IN FULL EFFECT*). I'm excited for the move, its in about 2 weeks, and I believe starting September 1st I'll start adding more active strength and lifting to my cardio sessions...Maybe Cross Fit Training?


Today I will:


1. Drink at least 80 oz of water 
2. Go exercise
3. Stay Postive
4. Embrace myself and acknowledge the long journey thus far.
5. Learn to embrace my individuality and the time spent with myself. 

Happy THURSDAY!!!