THOUGHTS OFA CHAOTIC FOOD ADDICT

I THINK IM ADDICTED TO SELF-DESTRUCTION AND PAIN......I DON'T THINK IM CONSCIOUS OF HOW I RUIN MYSELF WITH ALL THE FOOD I GORGE ON.

I NEED A NEW ADDICTION

I FEEL SO LOST

I FEEL SO HOPELESS

I FEEL SO OUT OF CONTROL

IM SO ASHAMED

NONE OF MY CLOTHES FIT

FOOD HAS BECOME MY SOLACE AND MY NIGHTMARE


I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND ALL I SEE IS A BLOATED TORTURED FACE

I DON'T RECOGNIZE MY OWN BODY

I FINALLY WENT TO THE GYM AND ATTEMPTED TO CRAW BACK ON THE WAGON


I AM NOW 265.8

WHICH SIGNIFIED A 35 LB WEIGHT GAIN SINCE I MOVED TO BOSTON (235-265)


I AM READY TO BE DONE....I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY


AND IN ALL OF THIS DESPAIR A SMALL VOICE TELLS ME THAT I AM THE SOURCE OF MY OWN TORMENT AND WILL BE THE SOURCE OF MY OWN SALVATION

SO IM STARTING THE TORTUOUS PATH TO SALVATION AGAIN....REGAINING CONTROL....FEELING BEAUTIFUL...FEELING HEALTHY...FEELING HAPPY....

TODAY I AM 261.6...NEXT WEEK I HOPE TO BE 263...